Saturday, January 24, 2009

Episode 'Goat Vs Nigerian Police"

I was shocked, overwhelmed, flabbergasted and even 'flagabasted' when I saw this news title "Police parade goat as robbery suspect" eh! for where ? how come? that can't be true! lai-lai! haba! a goat--robbery suspect! when did this world come to that? etc........

My friend sent me the news link here yesterday, since I read it I have not stopped wondering about a lot of things.........

A goat (abi na ram) has been arrested for attempting to steal a car!....ok the gist is that a man was caught attempting to steal a mazda car and while he was about to be apprehended, he turned his back to the wall and turned into a goat! and the goat has been arrested and would be kept in police custody till all investigations have been concluded.

In as much as I do not doubt our super abilities in Africa; to turn a stick to a human being and turn a human being into a tuber of yam, I also know we have the best air force one technology; we can fly at night to anywhere under any weather condition, etc but our police for shame small, and think twice before parading a ram about as a robbery suspect!

Well, I had fun thinking about it over and over again, imagining the police men dragging about a ram (and you know how sturbborn Nigerian goats can be), to court house, to televesion houses, to and fro the police station, to press conference centres etc. I really do not envy the Police Public Relations Officer that was saddled with the responsibilty of informing the public.

So my people, I have some questions:-

  • Will this goat be charged to court for robbery?
  • If it is charged and it is found guilty, how will it serve its purnishment? .......starve the goat? beat it till it can't bleat again.....or better still till it starts shouting 'ye' 'ye'..or 'ouch' 'ouch' like a proper human being ( that it is supposed to be)?
  • Can it be proven that true true this goat was a man before now? as we know the forensic technology capability (or prowess) of the Nigerian Police.
  • And if it is true that the goat was a man, can this skill be harnessed, the technology developed, so that we can be the exporter of the 8th wonder of the world, and then some of us can just turn into a mosquito ( whenever we like) and enter anywhere without any inhibition/restrictions.etc...a lot of things are running through my mind. me to stop wondering............................

Monday, January 19, 2009

2 truths , 1 lie

I've been tagged by Danny in the 2 truths, 1 lie meme,

( I have really been wondering what 'meme' means and who started this tag-tag thing?)

but since I have been tagged, I obey the tag :-)

OK I'll try to make is as simple as possible............. but then I think I should make mine 3 truths, ...1 lie...I like the number 3.

OK, I decided to obey the rules strictly, and I also want to avoid confusion due to inconsistency, a lot of people are used to 3 things not 4 things
I am deleting the above ( I only retained it so those who had read it before woudl not think 'deja vu' , it was there)
Its still 3 things; 2 truths and 1 lie

So here we go!

1. I was bugged in the school magazine when I was in the university

2. I have read the whole of my bible at least once before, I mean from Genesis to Revelation

3. I have fallen out of a very fast moving car on a major highway before


I hereby tag the following on the 2 truths a 1 lie meme

1. Enkay

2. Beulah

3. Dammy

4. Rita ( not sure you've been tagged before)

5. Tobenna ( not seen your 2 truths, 1 lie, hope you have not been tagged on it before now)

6. YankieNaijababe ( hope you've not been tagged on this too)

anyway, let's all enjoy it......................

I know a lot of you know the rules to tagging..........well, I'd repeat here

The Tagging rules are:

1. You have to tell us 3 things about you, 2 truths and 1 lie

2. Link the person who tagged you.

3. Mention the rules in your blog.

4. Leave a comment on the blogs of those you have tagged

5. Tag 6 following bloggers, link them.

I hope the new year is already bringing new smiles to your faces!

Friday, January 9, 2009

Credit Crunch...............(2)

One of the news that caught my eye that morning (over a month ago) was ‘Oil falls below $56 as Japan slips into recession’; my heart sank……
Japan? A whole Japan into recession? Japan is the world’s 2nd largest economy now?
Meanwhile…..permit me to feel like an economics teacher…….
A recession is a decline in a country's gross domestic product (GDP), or a negative real economic growth, for two or more successive quarters of a year. Credit crunches are usually considered to be an extension of recessions.
A credit crunch makes it nearly impossible for companies to borrow because lenders are scared of bankruptcies or defaults, which results in higher rates.
The consequence is a prolonged recession (or slower recovery), which occurs as a result of the shrinking credit supply.
All this grammar means there is global meltdown, the world is in financial crisis, there is short 'there is shortage of money all over the world'
There is recession in the United states, Asia and in Europe, and from all the news and reports, its forecasted the recession would be sustained, I don’t need to bore you with news of recession, or financial crises, record time fall in price of oil or increased terrorism that you are well aware about (after all, our media has been feeding us with no other news but these ills)
While I’m quick to admit that I am not an economist, and I have no professional skills to discuss financial matters……. But after reading so much of people’s comments, fears, forecasts and predictions, I've been forming my own opinion (it's been the same since my last post here on credit crunch-1 )
For the first time in a lot of years, we are in a ‘direction-less’ world, people are asking where is the safest place to keep ones money? What investment are the wisest to make now? What part of the world would be spared this impending disaster? Where is the world financial power shifting to? There are no answers!…….the hearts of men are failing and every one is just facing the future with dread, caution and in-uncertainty.
I’ve read that Africa has been ‘untouched’ by the global crisis, but I feel that is just an assumption. I know in Nigeria, even though it may feel like the effect is not that pronounced, the truth is that we have not been spared the effect of the world crisis;
A lot of Nigerians have lost money in the stock market, the Nigerian stock exchange is crashing by the day, banks are in search of liquid funds, I think the banks would go into depression soon, some bankers may loose their jobs e.t.c
The value of the Naira is dropping gradually (despite the central Bank of Nigeria’s assuring us otherwise) prices of things would go up, cost of living would increse.
Price of oil per barrel has drastically dropped, Federal government is predicting ‘no NEPA”, and with the current drop in real estate…… many over priced& underpriced properties…little or no cash flow in the society to buy them etc , the list goes on…………………
Would you permit me to make my own personal submissions thus;
I still want to believe that the recession would not last, I am not trying to be ‘just optimistic’ neither am I shying away from reality or the facts. The realities/facts have stared us in the face these past months…what have we done with them?..NOTHING! …..they’ve only caused our hearts to fail more.
So, I choose to look up, to the one who made the world, the one who knows all, and the ONLY one that has ALL the solutions to the problems of the world!
· I choose to believe the report of the Lord, I choose to believe in the prophecies that ‘there would be a lifting up’
· I choose to be optimistic, I should forge ahead in faith and not in fear
· I choose to believe God’s words
· I believe the American economy would improve; I believe God would grant president Obama’s administration the wisdom to make positive changes.
· I believe the world would recover (even though not without a lot of shakings and unseating of some powers that be now)
I also think this is NOT a time
· To only gist and make comments about the world financial crisis, or shy away from reality; pretending like you don’t know what’s happening.
· To just shudder, sit in hopelessness, just waiting, watching and hoping…thinking "maybe, maybe thing will get better".
· To be scared and start making irrational decisions propelled by fear…'fear and worry have never be known to solve any problem'
· To be selfish or in sensitive…and think: 'whatever is happening in the world does not affect me', ‘I don’t care, me and my household we will survive’ or think you are immune.
But I think it’s a season
· To spend more time with the one that created you and this world:
· To seek direction; to find out were to go and when to go, what to invest in, where and what to embrace and what to refrain from.
· To make adjustments; we might need to change jobs, businesses, cut down on expenses or change long/short time plans for our families.
· To seek wisdom and counsel, the tread cautiously before making investments and decisions
· To live in faith, to believe that He would not leave us, He owns all the wealth and treasures of this world, and He alone (not even the best financial analyst) determines what happens to world finances!
I know people all over the world are praying, and I have heard a lot of encouraging prophesies, I also listened to Pat Robertson’s prediction for the year, I’ve read people‘s comments like this here& here and I am also asking God for direction and I believe we would see great things in 2009!
Even though I agree that it’s a lesson that would shake the world, to remind us that we don’t always have all the answers! and that America may no longer be the world power on finances and world politics……………I choose to believe we would outlast this recession. I must state that despite all I have written I DO NOT KNOW HOW LONG IT WOULD TAKE TO RECOVER from the recession. .
I’m reminding myself that:
Isaiah 60:2. "Darkness will cover the earth and gross darkness the people, but the Lord shall arise upon us and His Glory shall be seen upon us"
Deut 8:18 “And you shall remember the LORD your God, for it is He who gives you power to get wealth, that He may establish His covenant which He swore to your fathers, as it is this day.
Ps 50: 10 “For every beast of the forest is Mine, and the cattle upon a thousand hills or upon the mountains where thousands are”

Finally, I should say my thoughts on the global crisis is progressive, I will continue to post as other/different things come to mind on the issue….I really want to say IT IS WELL, (not just a slang to console ourselves) but because I mean it that it will be WELL.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

'ELEMENT" wahala!!

For those that reside in Lagos , its no longer news that a new law has been enforced; ‘Okada riders’ (commercial motorcyclists) must wear ‘crash helmets’ and also have a spare one available for their passengers to wear too. since the beginning of this year, the law enforcement agencies have swooped on those not obeying this law.

I've heard people call the crash helmets so many names; some call it element’, head wear’, 'bike helmet' etc, but I think I like the element one

I had fun with my friends all through yesterday about different types of head helmets;…people were donning all sorts ‘hard hats’ used by construction site workers, some people had on the ones bikers use for racing, some had these old soldiers metal war helmet , some had shapes of bowls…infact all sort of head gears……and its more fun to see the passengers too…’passenger and driver’ in head gears cruising ……you get the feeling its some scene from ‘ocean 11’ or a Jackie Chan movie.
Check out the babes on ‘okada’….it was a site to behold…….with different hairdos ….tucked under different shapes of head gears in the name of ‘element’.

Since the enforcement of this ‘element’ law, there has been a lot of reservations about its use, mostly its been hygiene issues, who wants to catch 'lice' or skin disease?
I've even heard intriguing stories of fears that the 'okada' drivers could put ‘juju’ in the 'element 'and an unsuspecting passenger might just disappear to be used for a ritual later.

You need to see people wrapping up their head with different materials before wearing the 'element', to prevent them from contacting anything bad from these 'head elements'

I know if people had choices, they would avoid riding on 'okada' …. When I heard about the law…….I said to myself 'that this is it.... I would stop riding on okada'….but then we know how 'okadas' could be life savers in Lagos especially in the terrible traffic on the islands in the afternoons.

I heard some of my colleagues say they would go and shop for their own personal ‘element’ and put in their boots for those who have cars!
So I guess for those who do not own cars, we’ll start seeing …..people carrying sacks containing their 'element' to ride okada, or ladies hiding their 'element' in their big handbags!

While I know the crash helmet wearing is for our safety, (I really believe in safety measures), I've been telling people that ‘I am sorry o…….me I no fit wear 'element' o’ my reason has been that ‘It’s not hygienic’, how can I put on my head the same helmet every Tom, Dick and Harry has worn?

My kind of job requires us to go to site sometimes, and your head protection is a must, even at that we always had our own personal 'head element’!

Anyway, on my way to church yesterday I needed to ride on a commercial motorcycle, the 'Okada' driver I stopped to take me asked If I was going to wear the ‘element’ I said NO, but I agreed to hold it, if we had to pass through any police check point (so they would not arrest the guy).
On our way….we sighted some police men far off, na so yours truly quickly ‘denge' the helmet for head with one hand, but when we got to the police men, one of them shouted 'wear it very well o!' 'put it on your head properly'…I had to let the element ‘touch’ my head,……..oh my God!

I had a good laugh at myself, with all my mouth that ‘I’m sorry o', 'I CANNOT wear element'………..'lai lai that is not possible', 'they can't be serious', 'its dirty!! etc. I had an 'element' on my head!
I was hoping no one would take my picture and tag me on face book......I laughed and laughed and laughed at myself.
So much for 'element' wahala…………….