NB: LONG POST ALERT!!!
If you have it [Love], you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have.
Sir James M. Barrie
Love is like playing the piano. First you must learn to play by the rules, then you must forget the rules and play from your heart.
I’ve enjoyed blogging so far, it has been a way for me to chronicle my thoughts on different issues of life.
Writing about my attempts at love, or rather my experiences in the world of romance is one of the things I like to blog about.
So, after Love Story 1 ended, needless to say that I was dis-oriented, depressed and very discouraged.
I despaired….because a lot of things that I planned for and looked forward to failed too, the disappointments all happened at the same time Love Story 1 ended.
It was as if the whole world conspired to deny me of ALL the good things I wanted in life.
I was in this state when my love story 2 began…
It was at my job
I was living; working and trying to put myself together...
I was opportune to be on this big project, I was learning a lot
He was seconded there as a client representative of the multinational we were working for.
He was the quiet, firm all serious looking client
For a very long time, I didn’t know he was ‘in-to’ me.
We met again at some company’s recruitment program
He called my phone (didn’t know how he got my number)
We chatted that day for a while
And he insisted on coming to see me afterward at home
I later got to know he got my phone number from a colleague…..and that was the beginning of a serious chase! A determined ‘woo-ing’
To him, I was ‘beauty’ and ‘brains’ personified
...candour, charm, comely…
I was the cool, calm and collected…..all in one person
My appearances depicted an epitome of sartorial splendour
The only ‘bottled water’ in his desert
I had brought ‘meaning’ to his life again, he said on our ‘first unofficial’ date
To me, He was ‘the almighty’ handsome client, a senior colleague,
He was intelligent, understanding, with a good listening ear and much matured
He was that very patient, hardworking, determined and focused guy, one with a good heart and had a good life
The man one could proudly take home to mummy…’settled, ready and apparently ‘complete’.
We were in the same industry; we understood the same standards, codes and drawings.
We could talk for endless hours about work.
We had same feelings about relationships, about office people, projects etc.
We seemed to flow and sure enjoyed being in each other’s company.
We enjoyed dining together.
We enjoyed driving round town together.
We enjoyed endless hours of gossip.
We looked forward to the times we would have with each other after the day’s stress.
With him, I was making a lot of crazy decisions.
With him I was jumping, running, dancing ALL at once!
Twas like a rumba dance…, just that we didn’t need the music….the dance steps just flowed
He came in to my life at the time, I still would describe as the “most trying period of my life”
…a time when everything else was just bad.
He was the only good thing
...he stood by me, was there for me
He wanted to be my boo, my lover,
..and I ‘naturally’ allowed him to
He was looking for a wife, I wanted a husband,
..we had it all
But then to me……He was also ‘my temptation’, 'my test', 'my trial'
We didn’t share the same faith!
We did not have the same convictions, could not share the same devotions!
We could not place the same priorities on some issues of life!
We could not have a common ground on what I considered the most important things in life!
I knew this love, this budding romance (did I say budding)……..it was exploding
I knew it was not possible!
I knew this love cannot be, it won’t live, could not survive.
I knew it would not; not now, not later, not ever.
I was convinced I had to let go, I needed to let go and let God
I was (with him) delving into the sacred places.
I was going past my boundaries
I was making light the price that was paid for my sanctification
I was compromising, trying to feel among, feeding my adventurous me
I was trying new things,
I was thinking…….. just live now and worry later.
I was toying with the idea of marrying him despite the huge differences we had
Suddenly, my eyes were open to so many (more important) things we didn’t have in common
I could clearly see the ‘faulty’ foundation I was planning to lay for ‘the rest of my life’
I had a boundary, no matter how much my whole being ached (even to the point of torture) and craved for a glimpse, a taste for the ‘other side’……I could not go past.
I was heart broken, at the thought of loosing such a beautiful relationship;
I was not sure how I would begin again.
I was certain I didn’t know how to exist in a world he was not in...
I was scared to death what would become of me if I ended this…
I knew I just could not continue
Then one day
I decided to let go!
I knew mercy abounds somewhere………where grace came from
I took courage; I knew I could survive with God’s help
I could ‘undo’ the damages
I knew God loved me…….He did not let me damage beyond repair
I knew we (God and me) could do it together,
I could begin again, I could start another love...
I was learning that a love (no matter how sweet or good it looks) can be impossible!
What can I say…
I am one of the greatest recipients of God’s mercies!
He brought me out 'complete'
From a love that was not possible and was taking me into a viable one...
He brought me out ‘whole’ and ‘complete