NOTE: I know I have not blogged in a very long while, and belive me, I planned to blog about more interesting things, things more 'alive', but I am sorry I have to talk about death again.............
I lost a dear one early hours this morning.
It started with a call that he was being rushed to the hospital, we sure panicked, I found myself assuring everyone not to despair, I prayed, asked God for a miracle and was waiting........
It ended with a call that he was being taken to the mortuary....Mortuary ke? Oh God!
I can see the faces of those around me, heavy eyes, all worn out from hours of crying
I can hear the different anguished voices ( over the phone) of those being informed about the tragedy.
I wish I called him, I promised to call him.......
We've been discussing some issues, He asked me to do somethings, I have avoided calling him, thinking....'he would 'harras' me about the issue again.
I wish I allowed him stress me, bug me, harass me and do anything else he wanted to do.
I wish I had not procastinated, I wish I had asked him 'how far'?
He's been helping me pursue somethings, and for some days now I've been thinking I needed to call him to know how far he had gone, but I kept saying 'I would call him',...'he is always there'
A friend asked after him 2 nights ago, I said I was goign to call him to ask how far
I wish I called to get a feedback from him, I wish I knew the latest developments, his last efforts
I never had the opportunity to say good bye,
I did not get to know his last thought about the issues we discussed last.
I deprived myself the pleasure of hearing his voice for the last time, of knowing his last thoughts
I made a decision today; to say everything to whoever I need to say it to, call whoever I needed to call ASAP and not push it to later.....the reality is that I AM NOT SURE they would always be there.
I feel like asking God if this is fair, He knows some people should not die now.
but then, I have been convinced long before now that "God is good' and that we would understand somethigns better at the other side of eternity
I am wondering ......
Does it mean that till my dying day I would not see his face again in this world?
Does this mean that this man would no longer be a part of my life?
Is it possible that I would learn to live in a world without him?
Is it possible that he would not have the pleasure of witnessing one of the most happiest events of my life coming soon as he had so wished?
Is it possible that he did not live to see the one thing he desired most and we all prayed day and night for, for him?
Did he know he would not live to see the transaction he was trying to conclude just 7 days ago?
Did he know that he was not going to live to see the people he asked to meet him some place tomorow?
Oh the brevity of life!
Words fail me..................
Adeiu Kabiru Adesina!