LOVE STORY ………… (2)

NB: LONG POST ALERT!!!

If you have it [Love], you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have.

Sir James M. Barrie

Love is like playing the piano. First you must learn to play by the rules, then you must forget the rules and play from your heart.

Unknown

I’ve enjoyed blogging so far, it has been a way for me to chronicle my thoughts on different issues of life.

Writing about my attempts at love, or rather my experiences in the world of romance is one of the things I like to blog about.

So, after Love Story 1 ended, needless to say that I was dis-oriented, depressed and very discouraged.

I despaired….because a lot of things that I planned for and looked forward to failed too, the disappointments all happened at the same time Love Story 1 ended.

It was as if the whole world conspired to deny me of ALL the good things I wanted in life.

I was in this state when my love story 2 began…

It was at my job

I was living; working and trying to put myself together...

I was opportune to be on this big project, I was learning a lot

He was seconded there as a client representative of the multinational we were working for.

He was the quiet, firm all serious looking client

For a very long time, I didn’t know he was ‘in-to’ me.

We met again at some company’s recruitment program

He called my phone (didn’t know how he got my number)

We chatted that day for a while

And he insisted on coming to see me afterward at home

I later got to know he got my phone number from a colleague…..and that was the beginning of a serious chase! A determined ‘woo-ing’

To him, I was ‘beauty’ and ‘brains’ personified

...candour, charm, comely…

I was the cool, calm and collected…..all in one person

My appearances depicted an epitome of sartorial splendour

The only ‘bottled water’ in his desert

I had brought ‘meaning’ to his life again, he said on our ‘first unofficial’ date

To me, He was ‘the almighty’ handsome client, a senior colleague,

He was intelligent, understanding, with a good listening ear and much matured

He was that very patient, hardworking, determined and focused guy, one with a good heart and had a good life

The man one could proudly take home to mummy…’settled, ready and apparently ‘complete’.

We were in the same industry; we understood the same standards, codes and drawings.

We could talk for endless hours about work.

We had same feelings about relationships, about office people, projects etc.

We seemed to flow and sure enjoyed being in each other’s company.

We enjoyed dining together.

We enjoyed driving round town together.

We enjoyed endless hours of gossip.

We looked forward to the times we would have with each other after the day’s stress.

With him, I was making a lot of crazy decisions.

With him I was jumping, running, dancing ALL at once!

Twas like a rumba dance…, just that we didn’t need the music….the dance steps just flowed

He came in to my life at the time, I still would describe as the “most trying period of my life”

…a time when everything else was just bad.

He was the only good thing

...he stood by me, was there for me

He wanted to be my boo, my lover,

..and I ‘naturally’ allowed him to

He was looking for a wife, I wanted a husband,

..we had it all

But then to me……He was also ‘my temptation’, 'my test', 'my trial'

We didn’t share the same faith!

We did not have the same convictions, could not share the same devotions!

We could not place the same priorities on some issues of life!

We could not have a common ground on what I considered the most important things in life!

I knew this love, this budding romance (did I say budding)……..it was exploding

I knew it was not possible!

I knew this love cannot be, it won’t live, could not survive.

I knew it would not; not now, not later, not ever.

I was convinced I had to let go, I needed to let go and let God

I was (with him) delving into the sacred places.

I was going past my boundaries

I was making light the price that was paid for my sanctification

I was compromising, trying to feel among, feeding my adventurous me

I was trying new things,

I was thinking…….. just live now and worry later.

I was toying with the idea of marrying him despite the huge differences we had

Suddenly, my eyes were open to so many (more important) things we didn’t have in common

I could clearly see the ‘faulty’ foundation I was planning to lay for ‘the rest of my life’

I had a boundary, no matter how much my whole being ached (even to the point of torture) and craved for a glimpse, a taste for the ‘other side’……I could not go past.

I was heart broken, at the thought of loosing such a beautiful relationship;

I was not sure how I would begin again.

I was certain I didn’t know how to exist in a world he was not in...

I was scared to death what would become of me if I ended this…

I knew I just could not continue

Then one day

I decided to let go!

I knew mercy abounds somewhere………where grace came from

I took courage; I knew I could survive with God’s help

I could ‘undo’ the damages

I knew God loved me…….He did not let me damage beyond repair

I knew we (God and me) could do it together,

I could begin again, I could start another love...

I was learning that a love (no matter how sweet or good it looks) can be impossible!

Today

What can I say…

I am one of the greatest recipients of God’s mercies!

He brought me out 'complete'

From a love that was not possible and was taking me into a viable one...

He brought me out ‘whole’ and ‘complete

Love story (1)

I remember, it was late summer…………, some years ago
I was sitting by myself, tired; he walked up to me, asked me something and we got talking.
Now, I faintly remember what our conversation was about, but I knew that that day, my heart had found a new interest! and I could feel the excitement building up.
I found myself looking forward to every opportunity to see him, to seat with, to talk with and to eat with him.
I know I have an adventurous part of me that loves to go on journeys; I guess I just decided to take this trip ‘cos I had no idea how far this was going neither did I know how overwhelmed I was going to be.
I just knew something was happening to me………and I liked it!


Its his voice I hear when people laugh around me,
Its his face I see on every interesting person round and about me
I went to bed with his thoughts lingering on my mind, and would often wake to hear echoes of his voice.
I spent my days planning with passion, and hoped all my plans and me were really his choice.
I cherished his quiet presence, it always made me ache and feel at peace at the same time.

When I want to call him, just looking at the phone and the anticipation of his voice at the other end of the line makes my heart skip beats
When I exclaim, it’s his name my on my lips, when I exhale, I mutter his name

I could travel nine seas and eight mountains just to catch a glimpse of him.
I could stay awake for endless hours, for my ears to feed on his enchanting voice.
I could never say enough with him! talking to him always made my heart flutter.

When my phone rings and the caller ID is his name….my world goes still. Stock still.
When we discuss and agree on an issue … for me, that issue is sealed, Dead sealed.

For me, it didn’t matter what I was doing or where I was, when I hear his voice, everything else just stops!
Our thoughts seemed to intertwine; our ideologies seemed to align, our future seemed to correlate.

We could talk for hours unending, play and taunt our friends together;
We exchanged views, visions, shared victories and enjoyed time together.

In my dreams, I saw a partnership that was effortless; everything was going to be OK.
My longing, my aching, my waiting to make our ballad a permanent reality made me go to God every time and ask…..….God, when would this be? How would it be?
I believed He always said, all was OK, that it was happening, and the wraps were unfolding just for me…
I had labeled him ‘Alaafin’!! the king of the palace of my heart!

And came that day, that night …………..
I knew my life was going to change forever, I thought… I would never be the same!
I knew my dreams were crashing before me, I thought …I had wasted my life!
I knew my years with him were reading ‘fiction’ I thought… I had been stupid!
This love was never going to be, this had always been a charade, all a sham!
I had loved and lost, given and had been denied, I dared to believe and was dammed!

But have I stopped to believe in love, NO! God said to me....He himself is love!
I still believe in panting hearts that beat at the same rhythm,
I still believe in love that lights up a face like a candle even in darkness,
I still enjoy sharing an umbrella ‘together’ in the rain,
I still believe in being speechless……..just in your presence…......
I still love the exchange of meaningless nothings, sweet nonsense and just nothing!
I still believe in kisses that cause the heart to miss beats..and beats...and beats...and beats
I still believe in playing in the sand, running by the beach, cruising on that private yacht,
In crying, laughing, shouting, screaming and being silent all at the same time,
I still believe in growing old together in love, holding those creased, wrinkled and worn hands, looking into and getting lost in those eyes filled with tales of older times
I still hold on to love, to life, to romance, to giving, to sharing, to helping, to sacrificing and I would continue to …..till I go to be with my first love, the one who first loved me, He who loves me most and loves me with an everlasting love!
I loved, I love and I will continue to love!